A Mother’s Worry Or Joy?

While most of my retired friends and co-workers are or have made their way south to enjoy
a winter respite engulfed in warmth, sun, beaches and desert, I chose to spend my February
holiday babysitting my newest grandson and his siblings for a week.

You may ask, am I trying to be a martyr? No, not really. I’m not looking for a pat on the back, trying to solicit praise or garner your vote for grandma of the year award. I just know what brings me joy—my family.

My fondest memories or what I appreciated most about my mother and father and in-laws are the times
in my adult life when I really—really needed a parent.

Whether it was checking the oil in the old jalopy I drove to college, preparing freezer meals
before the birth of each child, an invitation to stay at the cabin when money was tight, visits in
the fall, canning and freezing pies out of the apples growing in our backyard or helping with one
of the many, many home improvement projects, it was the time we shared and their many
talents that always made my heart smile.

These are the times my children also remember of their grandparents. Not the countless athletic events they couldn’t attend or the choir concerts, plays and dance recitals they missed. We kept track of our time together, not apart.

Carrying On The Tradition Of Mothers

My husband and I were born to blue collar working families in rural America. Back in the days of powerful unions, decent health insurance, pensions and retirement plans, our folks managed to save up a little nest egg with the goal to enjoy their lives once their children were grown and left the roost. Except in the absence of spending their hard-earned dollar and devoting time raising a family, they still seemed to want to spend time with us. It’s ironic, as difficult and demanding that period of an adult’s life is, sandwiched in the middle of raising children and caring for aging parents, it’s the one constant we tend to gravitate toward over and over again.

I find I’m at my greatest peace when all is well with my family. I can handle waiting for the
Cologuard results, wearing a mask, a hike in gas prices or wondering if I’ll make it to retirement.
What I can’t handle is when there is an imbalance in my family.

My children are grown adults. And I spend as much time and energy worrying about their well-being as I did when they were babies. It doesn’t stop there. That energy is extended to their spouses, the grand kids and even the fur babies. So much so, that I find myself more exhausted by worry than working a twelve-
hour shift. At times I can’t shut my brain off to get a decent night’s sleep.

I swear, my mother-in-law must have owned stock in worry. All the reassurance in the world
couldn’t make a dent in the amount of energy she invested in each of her four children and
their families. Often, she’d worried herself to the brink of mental and physical collapse. I hope
not to become like that, though I can tell I already have similar traits.

The importance of self-preservation

As a certified holistic nurse employed by an integrative, functional medicine, MD. I council
daily the importance of taking ownership of one’s personal health. Most often, I practice what I
preach, but there are periods where I lose a grip on my own wellness. It’s easy when there’s
stress in your life.

In the past six months, my husband and I sold our home, moved, welcomed a new grandchild into the world, moved our oldest daughter to Las Vegas, moved our youngest daughter and her family to Montana, helped my former employer close her practice and ushered our new practitioner into her new business. And even though all these things are good, it’s still stress, making it easy to fall into unhealthy habits.

What to do to get back on track?

It’s taken most of my nursing career, but I count my blessings daily, I have a built-in support
network. Because of where I work, I am able to take personal time instead of being worked to
the brink of burnout. I have access to practical health interventions that don’t require
pharmacological or expensive diagnostic testing, only to be told, there’s nothing wrong with
me.

My husband is always willing to give up the sweets and breads to eat more vegetables and
lean protein as long as he can have his one day a week at our favorite local coffee house. I have
my writing as a creative outlet. And though I struggle with chronic illness, come spring, I will be
able to get out and enjoy outdoor activities. These gifts didn’t come to me overnight.

Giving back

It became abundantly clear early on, parenting and worry for your children never ends. Life
is hard, insurmountable at times. I owe a debt of gratitude to my parents and in-laws for being
there for me when I needed them. My hope is, that as a mother, I have done the same for my children. And I am hopeful, they will pass on the tradition. No matter what we do in life, a little kindness can go a
long way.